so looking and sounding like an idiot then

Construction of self is a funny thing. It’s quite clear that many people don’t do it: they appear to proceed daily without any apparent need to assess how they interface with the world. I still find myself doing quite tortuous empathic calculations about how someone might feel in response to what I’m about to do or say, and then still very often getting it wrong. Which I suppose uses up quite a lot of mental energy. That’s it really. If that sense of how to interact comes naturally then I suppose you have significant spare energy for other stuff. I still look back on things I’ve said and wonder who it was that was saying them. I wonder if I’d even like to meet that person, let alone have anything more sustained to do with them. It applies to things I’ve written as well as things I’ve said, but not as much. With writing, you at least have that time to think offline, recompose… before it goes live.